The Surprise of Coreopsis, a prose poem
Will I change once the pre-dawn robin songs return? The songs are late, yet the mud crusted opaque ice is too long staying and will the chorus frogs under the ice survive? They should be singing as well, but they are silent, I am silent but for the hissing inside my head, and can I, will I, should I feel spring fever again, if spring ever returns? Will I feel that regret and joy spring brings, the feeling as if all is possible and yet that all has passed us by simultaneously?If the flood of spring sun does not return or at least the surprise of coreopsis, I cannot be opaque dirty ice.
I just cannot.
Nature Walk
Lovely walk in the fen yesterday and in the woods the day before. While it was cold, gloomy, and very icy, (which cut the walk short) , it was OUTSIDE in nature, so that’s grand. Today? Bitter cold. Come on, spring!
Nature and Grief
(From my phone) And I’m here, still.
...I’m trying hard to keep it together. My husband is pulling me off the ceiling sometimes, as I’m finding I’m having chest pains and horrible urges to sob loudly.
When I see her, I will be cheerful and not dwell on the fact that she is most likely dying and going to die an awful death. But in my alone moments, I don’t handle things so well.
Took a short nature walk today and it really helped. Saw a flying squirrel and an ornate box turtle. The poor turtle was stuck between a rock and a hard place, literally, but got free. The flying squirrel froze when it saw a human. I tried to be still, to disturb it as little as possible.
The walking paths were snow-covered, which is surprising since it is still autumn.
Sitting at home, done with grading, waiting for night to fall. Flashes of red from outside. Three male and three female cardinals picking seeds up from the bush in back of the house. Those brief flashes of red are so beautiful and so life affirming somehow.
I stand up to look outside, and they fly away. They must have been able to sense my presence, perhaps see my shadow.
And it helps. And the sunset helps. And the trees and the birds and friends and loved ones help.
But it is impossible to inoculate yourself from grief. At least I think so, if you are a loving person, the loss of a loved one will hurt greatly.
About 13 to 14 years ago, my family and I suffered the loss of many. Some died from a freak set of accidents, some from cancer, some from old age, etc. But it was so many in a short period of time that I was truly overwhelmed and didn’t get a chance to really mourn the loss of most of them individually.
Of these nine losses, the loss of my best friend, Susan, my godmother, and my mother hurt the most. The others I feel bad that I have not mourned them individually; it was like a collective grief.
So I know I’m going to face a lot of pain, and if you love someone, that’s to be expected.
But not something to be looked forward to.
It’s the price of loving people and getting older, surely.
The cardinals have returned, cautiously picking out seeds from the bush behind the house.
And I’m here, still.
Lest I Forget
Lest I forget. Find beauty even in the quiet of a gloomy day. It’s there. Especially if love is there; I do not take anyone for granted.
Changing Seasons Type of Day
Trying this blog entry from my cell phone–that’s risky! I am outside and just do not want to go INSIDE and log onto a computer…
What an odd day, a day mixed with joy and sadness. 630 AM—still dark—road closed ten seconds before the intersection where I turn to get to work and a truck started pouring hot tar in two lanes. Semi ahead of me kept knocking down tree branches (too big for the small amount of the lane still open) and construction cones. I had to get out of the car in the dark to move the cones, but finally a construction worker let me through.
11 hours of work (part time !) Some middle school kids on the college campus today. So cute. So loud. Sipping their pumpkin spice sugared drinks waiting for the presentation they were here for.
Some students asked if I could teach them next term.
Drove home in the dark.
Sad loved one’s health news.
Two more poetry rejections.
Glad I’m part time. This won’t happen often. To work in the dark. Home in the dark.
Glad for modern medicine which may help family member.
And frogs! I’m sitting outside in the dark with my trusty tennis racquet (you know… in case of critters) and with a spotlight hearing LOUD FROGS. It’s that warm now!?!??!! Wind blowing off so many remaining leaves.
Love hearing those frogs. Thought I’d not hear them for months, until spring.
Truly a changing season type of day.
(Picture taken with my little camera phone while sitting in the dark, soft rain… back flashlight light on the bush. I’m such an adventurer.)
Thanks for reading; may your seasonal changing days change well, with kindness and hope.
Cloudy Day Nature Walk Photos–Early Autumn
Just some nature photos from a woodland walk today. So good to walk in the forest! Look up, look down. Beauty. Even on cloudy days? Yes, even then. Look closely.
And watch out for those squirrel and chipmunk holes… just the right size to trip me when walking. So I am looking DOWN as well as up for sure!
Not a gorgeous day, but a certain peacefulness in the quiet of coolness.
Thanks for reading.
On Crickets and a Cricket “Imagist” Poem
Ten plus years ago, we bought our first home. On one of our first nights in our home, we heard a chirping chirping sound that just wouldn’t stop. Thinking it was a fire alarm, we looked everywhere and finally found the source of the loud chirping: the sounds were coming from our heating/ air conditioning vents. Crickets!
There was no way to get deep into the vents to free the crickets, so we let them chirp, and they quieted down. Eager to learn more about the creatures creating this lovely sound, I found that in some legends, a cricket in the home is considered good luck. That was great, since it was our first (and only) home. I learned that some Native American tribes considered crickets a sign of good luck, and some considered crickets in the home a sign of bad luck. I will ignore the bad luck predictions.
Last night, I was up late working on school work when I thought I heard a muffled fire alarm chirping. And chirping. And chirping. I opened the window and heard many louder similar sounds, closed the window…and heard the sounds coming from near the window. In a heat/air conditioning vent to be exact.
Ten years later, crickets welcoming me or complaining or just being.
I wrote a short poem years ago, an attempt at an imagist poem, about crickets:
chirping of crickets
continues under
the rails after
trains pass
They are tenacious!
They also signal a starting of the end of summer, and that’s something I look forward to usually; I have had enough of mosquitoes, excessive heat, and humidity. I like cooler weather.
Yet I must admit I love the sunshine of summer as well.
Good thing I don’t control weather–I’d like the sunshine of summer and the coolness of autumn, please.
Thanks for reading, and here’s a few places to find more about these fascinating creatures:
https://goodlucksymbols.com/crickets/
http://www.native-languages.org/legends-cricket.htm
https://www.raandrade.com/superstitions-myths-legends-about-crickets/
The Fen, Late Summer
A unique ecosystem, a gem. Fen-only plants and flowers along with what’s found in Illinois elsewhere. I don’t know the name of these plants and flowers, but I do know:
The colors have changed since we last visited. More reds, blues, purples.
We need rain. Toads looked too dry and searching for water.
All around us we heard skittering animals. Didn’t see them. Just heard hints of animal life.
The red winged blackbirds are no longer dive bombing from behind as we walked. Their wee birds must have flown the nests.
Next visit: early autumn.
Thanks for reading. 
Bear Lake Phone Photos -Rocky Mountains
Bear Lake,Rocky Mountains, Colorado. We must protect our precious national parks! Unbelievable natural beauty and life diversity.
Laura Lee 