(From my phone) And I’m here, still.
...I’m trying hard to keep it together. My husband is pulling me off the ceiling sometimes, as I’m finding I’m having chest pains and horrible urges to sob loudly.
When I see her, I will be cheerful and not dwell on the fact that she is most likely dying and going to die an awful death. But in my alone moments, I don’t handle things so well.
Took a short nature walk today and it really helped. Saw a flying squirrel and an ornate box turtle. The poor turtle was stuck between a rock and a hard place, literally, but got free. The flying squirrel froze when it saw a human. I tried to be still, to disturb it as little as possible.
The walking paths were snow-covered, which is surprising since it is still autumn.
Sitting at home, done with grading, waiting for night to fall. Flashes of red from outside. Three male and three female cardinals picking seeds up from the bush in back of the house. Those brief flashes of red are so beautiful and so life affirming somehow.
I stand up to look outside, and they fly away. They must have been able to sense my presence, perhaps see my shadow.
And it helps. And the sunset helps. And the trees and the birds and friends and loved ones help.
But it is impossible to inoculate yourself from grief. At least I think so, if you are a loving person, the loss of a loved one will hurt greatly.
About 13 to 14 years ago, my family and I suffered the loss of many. Some died from a freak set of accidents, some from cancer, some from old age, etc. But it was so many in a short period of time that I was truly overwhelmed and didn’t get a chance to really mourn the loss of most of them individually.
Of these nine losses, the loss of my best friend, Susan, my godmother, and my mother hurt the most. The others I feel bad that I have not mourned them individually; it was like a collective grief.
So I know I’m going to face a lot of pain, and if you love someone, that’s to be expected.
But not something to be looked forward to.
It’s the price of loving people and getting older, surely.
The cardinals have returned, cautiously picking out seeds from the bush behind the house.
And I’m here, still.
A unique ecosystem, a gem. Fen-only plants and flowers along with what’s found in Illinois elsewhere. I don’t know the name of these plants and flowers, but I do know:
The colors have changed since we last visited. More reds, blues, purples.
We need rain. Toads looked too dry and searching for water.
All around us we heard skittering animals. Didn’t see them. Just heard hints of animal life.
The red winged blackbirds are no longer dive bombing from behind as we walked. Their wee birds must have flown the nests.
Next visit: early autumn.
Thanks for reading.
Bear Lake,Rocky Mountains, Colorado. We must protect our precious national parks! Unbelievable natural beauty and life diversity.
Last morning in the Rocky Mountains. Deer at dawn and mountains. 🙂
So needed a nature walk today! Couldn’t wait to post these pictures, so I created this blog from my phone. I am learning. Enjoy, and thanks for reading and viewing.
Perhaps my skepticism about poetry being ALIVE was too skeptical? I am finding many fine literary magazines and communities, online and in paper, if I just take the time to look about a bit. What’s different for me, however, is how many of the publications are online only or mainly online. For an oldster like me who loves to learn and use technology, that’s fine. I am just happy that literacy in all its forms appears to be thriving.
One publication I just found is Ink & Voices, which can be found here: Ink & Voices.
Ink and Voices acknowledges that the internet is full of places to share writing and art, but states they are different in that:
Ink & Voices is an online publication and community for artists and writers. We are all about original and unapologetic voices, and providing a space for you to express your originality and humanness. We love pieces that are honest, raw and original.
This publication has three main sections, one for Mind, one for Body, and one for Soul. Yes, they are brave enough to use those terms in this sometimes snide and toocooltoshowemotions society. I found mainly fiction and artwork there, but liked what I saw and liked what I read. Perhaps I just couldn’t find the poetry, but I did look. Nevertheless, Ink and Voices is accepting submissions or writing and art and has a separate category for poetry, all through Submittable.com. The positive aspects here are that your work is read or viewed “blind,” and judged on its merit rather than your bio or name, or lack of a name in publishing.
I didn’t see a May or June issue, but they are still accepting submissions on a no deadline basis through Submittable.com, meaning they are paying to keep submission coming in.
I am going to investigate this new site more and consider submitting some poetry. I know I’ll be viewing the artwork there.
If you create “honest, raw, and original” artwork, including written work, why not give Ink and Voices a view? I personally like to support new literary ventures as well as the more-established ones.
Thanks for reading!