old black and white tv

It’s so time consuming with medicines and visits and the day to day physical needs that I sometimes “forget” she is dying, and sooner rather than later. Sister’s TV/ cable turned off for nonpayment. She lives in a basement apartment and we TRIED a TV with every kind of antenna possible. No channels. Cable is needed.

Since she cannot read due to vision issues and is living alone (that’s another issue), I thought of the cable TV as a comfort issue and paid for it to be turned back on. She cannot use the internet anymore due to cognitive issues, but she can listen to TV shows and she has followed some for a long time.

I understand all the arguments against TV, but in her case, it is a comfort.

As I was speaking to the person at the BIG nasty cable company, I just broke down crying, after they kept asking me for information I didn’t have. I just want to pay the bill for my sister who is passing too soon, I told them. I just want her to have some human voices and some old friends with her.

And a young lady who told me she was in India right then but that would it be okay if she prayed for my family and put the payment through ASAP? And I was crying again. She was kind, said let’s forget the cable company for a moment, and woman to woman, she told me how sorry she was and that she would pray for us.

And then we both hung up. And my grief about all this just poured over me and I cried and cried.

Because I cannot take away her pain. Or her multiple terminal diagnoses. And since I have been injured, I am limited in even visiting her–I have to get a ride and then help myself to get into her apt, down those awful stairs.

I guess I am saying that the grief doesn’t start at the time of death and that we can help each other in small ways. Just that lady in India who took my payment but took the time to say she would pray for us? Her kindness was much appreciated.

Wishing you all gentle kindnesses.


(Photo from the creative commons. And this is what our first TV was like so long ago.)